I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
Randomize
