first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
How do the people at CVS not know your living in their bathroom?
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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