U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Randomize
