we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
You can't motorboat a personality
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
Randomize
