I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Randomize
