just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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