she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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