party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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