in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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