I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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