Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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