Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
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