just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
Randomize
