I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
