I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
