my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
