Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
I just saw a girl walking up the hill with a little red wagon full of booze... I want to be in her study group.
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Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
my suitemate came in my room last night and flashed me. and then she just walked away. deff transferred to the right school
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