"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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