She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
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