So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Randomize
