i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
