I should be sponsored by Trojan
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
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