And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Randomize
