***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
Randomize
