Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
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