well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Randomize
