The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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