Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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