Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
