I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
He told me he looked up all the foods that make cum taste better and he put it all on his moms shopping list. she came through my line. this ones a keeper I think.
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
