This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
my poor anus
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
did you make it home?
i'm in a room and it looks like mine :)
hahah close nuff if it isnt
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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