i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
if it wasn’t 100% before, it is now that i will most definitely die a quesadilla related death
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
