I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
jump out the window naked night went bad
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
