Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
We left an ass print on the piano.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
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