I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
My bed smells like the plague
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
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