did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
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