The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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