Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize
