Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
