I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
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