i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
