So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
He better not be in your backpack
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Randomize
