Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Randomize
