I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
