Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Randomize
