this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
