Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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