so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Randomize
