I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
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