I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
It felt like his penis had an endoskeleton.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
