I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Randomize
