You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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