Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
