Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
