your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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