we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
