I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Balls are being tripped. Said meow to my cat and he said yeah cool dude.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
