Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Hey, scratch that. I've shit 8 times today. I don't have the energy to get laid so I cancelled my date.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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