Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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