In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
I drew a nude short fat middle aged woman today and liked it
It was honestly one of my favorite days in art class except for the 20 min she faced me and kept looking at me and we made eye contact
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
