get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
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he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
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Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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