When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
i woke up between my boyfriend and his sister and i don't know if we fucked or cried together
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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