be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
