rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
