I just made out with a guy for $7.
using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
nutella sex= disaster
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
what do i owe you?
$237.46 to be exact.
if im having that much fun on the weekend i better start remembering it.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
Randomize