U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
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