She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
